HTC10: Disrobing

As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop with tears streaming down my face. But I have no shame because I just took a leap of faith and it required visiting a past Mallory and saying ‘you have no power over me.’

Past Mallory studied really hard in school 4 years ago. She skipped the parties to study every single weekend. She slept on her textbooks and listened to lectures during meals. But every time she walked out of an exam, she put on sunglasses to hide her tears… because not a single word on the test looked like english to her. Past Mallory’s GPA slipped lower the longer she tried to stay in school with brain damage. She defined herself by her test grades and transcript (which she kept in her planner, by the way).

Past Mallory was really accustomed to seeing exciting opportunities, reading all the way through articles and flyers, seeing “minimum 3.5 GPA required,” breathing a long, sad sigh, and moving on. She was really good at saying:

‘I guess I’m not worthy enough.’

‘Or smart enough.’

‘Or talented enough.’

‘Or gifted enough.’

It hurts to tell yourself these things. But to past Mallory, this was truth.

But then, she started saying, “my story isn’t over yet.”

She put a semi-colon, instead of a period, at the end of her journals for a year.

Then, today, she learned of an incredible opportunity, opened up the application, saw her least favorite words and numbers…

… and then started typing.

Every single word on the application was painful, because Mallory’s transcript still says Cumulative GPA: 3.3.

But Mallory kept typing. Why?

Because past Mallory’s brain held her back for 6 years. It caused her pain, torment, and misrepresented her. But it does not define her now. So she took a chance. She took a leap of faith, and told the application review staff that she is not defined by her 2014 transcript.  She is worthy. She is smart. She is gifted. She is talented. She is motivated, and thrilled to be wearing navy blue scrubs.

She. will. not. be. stopped.

This all sounds good and powerful, but why did it hurt so much? Because overcoming fear, taking a leap of faith, and re-defining yourself requires you to die to your former self. And that former self has control, has power, and is not easy to shake off. In fact, many days it seems impossible to shake off. But the more you wage war, the easier each battle gets. And you cannot move on until you have overcome this.

So friends, today I encourage you not to have the same fears that your former self did. Today, I urge you to take off your former self, and put on your new self. Take two steps into the unknown. Put yourself out there. And don’t forget to say, ‘you have no power over me.’ 

See you on the battle field,

Mally 🙂


 

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