On October 19th, 2014, I let go of my dream to become a nurse. I had been fighting with my dysfunctional brain for too long. Everything was a blur, and not just because of my tears. I hadn’t been able to think straight in months. The day previous, I ran into the road, scared and afraid, not knowing where I was. I was tortured everyday by confusion, even though I was fighting to keep everything straight in my mind. It was to no avail, and I inevitably crumbled.
What was to come? I had no idea. I certainly didn’t expect scary diagnoses, years of not knowing myself, rejection, or marriage. But I got all four. Two years later, almost to the day, my brain tumor was removed, my husband was by my side and my future looked bright again. But this year of restoration came with a surprising twist of redemption… one that has left me speechless and numb many times.
I have spent the last 10 months combing through journals of the past 6 years. I’ve read and re-read old texts, archived emails, wrinkled letters, and ancient Facebook posts, trying to piece together my life during this time of illness that I have no memory of. I’ve revisited the feelings of despair many times, crying out in frustration, “how did I get here????”
As I uncover more of this journey every day, I have re-discovered my true passion and since re-enrolled at the University of New Hampshire Nursing Program. I am approaching a very difficult year, my commitments including a full time job, a part time job, my course load at UNH, volunteering at church, and most importantly maintaining my role as a wife and homemaker. In preparation for this, I’m using the lessons I’ve learned amongst my trials to form my daily decisions, philosophies, and inspirations. I have decided how I am going to conquer these years at school. I have sorted through my priorities and processed how I am going to live it out practically, and daily.
While this blog is inspired by my trials and triumphs, my hope is that this blog won’t be about me. My hope is for this to be an encouragement to people who also want to conquer something in life, whilst prioritizing what matters in the long run.
In summary, I’ve learned a lot. And now that my brain is working as it was designed to, I’m processing all of it, and applying it to my life. I can’t help but share these things with you, since they overwhelm my thoughts every day. Also, I’m not quite cool enough to write a book, so here I am on my own website. Stay tuned as I share what my past is bringing to my present every single day, and how you can join me on my quest to brighten up the world around me. Until then, I hope you start doing your own digging, and see what you learn about yourself that you might have forgotten, brain tumor or not.
— Mally 🙂
p.s. if you missed what I posted last time about Light, you can find it here.